the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize