One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Randomize
