Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
