Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Houston, we have a squirter
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
