he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
