dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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