I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
did i walk over a car last night?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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