i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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