He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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