i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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