just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
