I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Randomize
