Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
