That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
