3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
