How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
