my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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