3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
