I just cut my nipple shaving
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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