he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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