what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
