Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
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