He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
