Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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