well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
