I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I am midnight drunk by noon
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
