I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
