I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
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