just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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