Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
