I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
