Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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