does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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