We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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