I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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