Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
