I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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