Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
this is an emotional support booty call
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
