At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
