think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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