even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
