I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
