Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize