I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
