Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
