Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
