I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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