Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
