Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
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I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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