Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
