Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
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i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
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bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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