You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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