Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
