dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.