Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.

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  (313): mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved. http://tfl.nu/u6ef
  Replies (3) Good night (1069) Bad night (582)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Can i not drive my cunt home

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  (919): Can i not drive my cunt home http://tfl.nu/l3bm
  Replies (5) Good night (761) Bad night (948)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Why does tequilla always make you text me?

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  (301): You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate. (240): Why does tequilla always make you text me? http://tfl.nu/qeax
  Replies (13) Good night (4191) Bad night (832)
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen

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  (989): i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen http://tfl.nu/envk
  Replies (9) Good night (1341) Bad night (5278)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  God, you're like boner-b-gone

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  (305): God, you're like boner-b-gone http://tfl.nu/0pn8
  Replies (10) Good night (1246) Bad night (5620)
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.

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  (251): Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call. http://tfl.nu/u2ur
  Replies (8) Good night (1380) Bad night (4156)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.

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  (416): Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender. http://tfl.nu/ts7y
  Replies (8) Good night (1227) Bad night (4014)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.

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  (773): I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax. http://tfl.nu/p0im
  Replies (10) Good night (2458) Bad night (1060)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  they won't let me drive with my sombrero

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  (757): they won't let me drive with my sombrero http://tfl.nu/1zde
  Replies (9) Good night (2986) Bad night (1000)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.

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  (360): She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake. http://tfl.nu/n9ny
  Replies (7) Good night (491) Bad night (902)
• Favorite

  (435): View more from Utah

  I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!

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  (435): I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!! http://tfl.nu/1ljj
  Replies (13) Good night (2109) Bad night (509)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.

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  (615): I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code. http://tfl.nu/vsgs
  Replies (2) Good night (682) Bad night (321)
• Favorite

  (786): View more from Florida

  I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.

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  (786): I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol. http://tfl.nu/3w3a
  Replies (2) Good night (575) Bad night (256)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.

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  (413): I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance. http://tfl.nu/vfeh
  Replies (3) Good night (386) Bad night (524)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.

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  (804): He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him. http://tfl.nu/lrjc
  Replies (1) Good night (1099) Bad night (244)

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