Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
how do flat chested girls get laid?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night