3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
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Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
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Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.