hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
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It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
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He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.