fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
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you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
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As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?