Texts From Last Night

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  (708): View more from Illinois

  i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.

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  (708): i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection. http://tfl.nu/ljiq
  Replies (13) Good night (3704) Bad night (702)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  i think i have two assholes

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  (330): i think i have two assholes http://tfl.nu/b4sn
  Replies (67) Good night (778) Bad night (4553)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.

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  (215): After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article. http://tfl.nu/2zxm
  Replies (6) Good night (2618) Bad night (892)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart

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  (912): just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart http://tfl.nu/ug8y
  Replies (27) Good night (17143) Bad night (1029)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.

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  (610): doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better. http://tfl.nu/6sgi
  Replies (70) Good night (3941) Bad night (634)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...

  (845): View more from New York

  Are you serious?

  (917): View more from New York City

  yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...

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  (917): so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head... (845): Are you serious? (917): yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it... http://tfl.nu/iiih
  Replies (25) Good night (845) Bad night (4459)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.

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  (952): In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves. http://tfl.nu/jfec
  Replies (32) Good night (4542) Bad night (2558)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?

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  (317): on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week? http://tfl.nu/z5ru
  Replies (10) Good night (1839) Bad night (604)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.

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  (616): Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life. http://tfl.nu/u6ny
  Replies (7) Good night (1450) Bad night (519)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.

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  (601): He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT. http://tfl.nu/hra9
  Replies (23) Good night (2917) Bad night (689)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.

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  (540): Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too. http://tfl.nu/nqk1
  Replies (8) Good night (593) Bad night (1727)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower

  (1-281): View more from Texas

  This could be the definition of living by yourself

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  (281): No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower (1-281): This could be the definition of living by yourself http://tfl.nu/oh63
  Replies (2) Good night (1030) Bad night (388)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front

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  (440): New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front http://tfl.nu/k7td
  Replies (2) Good night (411) Bad night (257)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER

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  (215): And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER http://tfl.nu/p5xk
  Replies (2) Good night (890) Bad night (198)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.

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  (610): The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it. http://tfl.nu/y85o
  Replies (2) Good night (702) Bad night (280)

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