She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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