I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
