I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
