k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
