and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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