I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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