so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm just crazy horny about you
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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