Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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