i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
